Damn Coconut
- Brandon Miracle
- Dec 11, 2015
- 2 min read
I couldn't see past the large carniverous wave before me. I knew this would soon be my end. But I wasn't having it
Holding on to the edge of my lifeboat, I braced for impact.
Everything went dark. All of the light that filled the sea disappeared. The only things left in the world were me, my lifeboat, and the wave. It loomed over me like death to the sickly. Before I could think about how to save myself, it came down. Crashed onto me like a brick wall.
My body felt like it was going to shred into pieces. The water was so hard as it rushed through me, but I held on. My life depended on it.
The water seemed to have calmed down. I could finally rest. God. That was terrifying. Thump.
Apparently my torrential torment wasn't over yet. A coconut had hit me in the head and landed in my boat. A damn coconut. The wave must have carried it.
Time to react like any good protagonist would.
"Fucking coconut."
I felt good about my verbal assault.
"Who are you calling a fucking coconut?"
The coconut snapped back. Shit.
So, this is the way things are going to go.
The coconut stood on its puny twiglike legs and glared at me.
"Here I was thinking someone had come to rescue me and you call me a fucking coconut. Well listen here, bub. I ain't gonna let you talk to me like that. Capisce?" He had his finger in my face.
The fucking nerve of this coconut! This... damn coconut!
"I'm not the one that came of out of nowhere and cracked an innocent stranger's skull wide open!"
I realized I was actually bleeding as I said this. How much blood was I losing?
"Man up!" He folded his arms.
This coconut. This damn coconut just told me to man up.
"You're a fucking coconut! You don't know what being a man is!" I gritted my teeth.
I'm not going to live my last days with this damn coconut.
"You don't know a damn thing about me, bub!" He was getting angrier.
Before I unleashed my fury upon his soul, I saw it.
An oceanliner. There's an oceanliner! The coconut noticed it too. "It's a boat! We can get outta here! Come on! Help me get its attention!"
He started yelling. I started yelling too. This was my only chance to survive.
But it wasn't working. My voice wasn't going to last any longer and the boat just kept going.
The coconut glared at me. "Come on, you wimp! You're useless!"
Me? Useless? At least I'm not a damn coconut! Wait. That's it! I don't owe this coconut anything! I don't know a thing about him! In fact, I hate this damn coconut.
I grabbed the coconut in my right hand.
"Hey! Whaddya think you're doin'?!"
I tightened my grip. With all my might, I chucked the coconut at the oceanliner. His guts and milk exploded from his insides like creamy fireworks. His scream was so loud I could hear it over the sound of the boat.
Apparently, the passengers could too. And that's how I was saved.
Damn coconut.
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